A year ago to this day I posted a New Years message. It was a message that I myself had just recently learned. I spoke of the strength of who Jesus is. How HE is big enough for all the pain that has ever and ever will be.
I posted it and a very close friend of mine spoke of how much it had meant to her, how the things I had spoken of had blessed her due to the hard year she had had. I was so happy and excited for her.
I was so glad that the post had helped even one person, especially my best friend. I thought contentedly that the post had done the Lord’s purpose, helped my friend.
And, in my human nearsightedness, I thought it had completed it’s mission and that the things I had spoken of had served their complete purpose.
But little did I know that the words I had written would become incredibly poignant to me over the next year.
In February my parents separated. We didn’t see it coming. It was unexpected. And it was hard in ways that you wouldn’t expect.
This year felt like death so many times. And, in truth, I think that it was in a way. We died as we were. And it hurt like hell. Hundreds and hundreds of hours of pain and sadness and anger. Battles with hate and bitterness, fear, depression, and anxiety for the future. It has been so bitterly hard.
But the Lord was with us the whole way. AND HE WAS ENOUGH. Jesus WAS and IS enough for the pain, the fear, the hurt.
This past year often times victory was simply believing that God loved me. And that was the best I could do. It was hard to have faith, it was hard to believe, it was hard to hope.
But, Jesus brought me through it all. Stronger, and in some unbelievable way, more peaceful and content than before.
This past year has truly taught me the lesson I wrote of last year. And I am sure every year comes during my life will continue to teach me this lesson.
In 2017 I have, to and extent, learned to rest in Jesus and realize that He is enough for everything awful. In 2018 I want to learn to hope. Hope with more strength, joy, and belief than ever before.
Hope is something of miracle in and of itself. Hope, even if the dream you are hoping towards doesn’t occur when you want or ever at all, still gives you a gift. And I want it. I want every blessing the Lord wants to give me. And hope is one of those blessings. So, this 2018 I am making no resolutions. I am merely hoping to hope.
2017 has been so hard, but good. So painful, but necessary. So awful, but so, so much of a blessing. I thank the Lord for it. For us, 2017 was the death of the people we were, the wrong beliefs we held, and the painful monotony of our lives.
But 2018 will be a year of discovering the people we are and will be, for learning to truths to believe in, and for finding the rhythm of a healthy, God blessed life.
For 2018 I am choosing to hope. I will live with hope and belief that this year is going to be a year of beautiful, bursting life. Hope that God has never and will never abandon us. Hope that tomorrow will be even better than today.
” ‘Hope‘ is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all –
And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –
And sore must be the storm –
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm –
I’ve heard it in the chillest land –
And on the strangest Sea –
Yet – never – in Extremity,
It asked a crumb – of me.”
So, to 2017, I say goodbye. Thank you for the blessings you’ve held, even if they sometimes hurt. To 2018, I say hello. I can’t wait to see the fulfillment of my hopes in you.